


for all your lies

by Lily_rizzy



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mention of real life events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27684245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lily_rizzy/pseuds/Lily_rizzy
Summary: Maybe this is just the karma he's built up from years of sneaking around behind girlfriend's backs, cheating and lying, being repaid in one shitty year.
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane/Other(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	for all your lies

**Author's Note:**

> This is in no way meant as a disrespect to these characters real lives/relationships! Simply a work of fiction inspired by true events.

Jonny can’t help but press the Twitter icon on his phone for the fifth time this morning. It's already loaded onto the tweet he was looking for. He clicks on one of the photos attached, the one he can bear the most. Patrick, listening to his newborn son’s heartbeat.

_Patrick's newborn son._

He knew it was happening, it’s not like this came as a shock to him. Hell, Jonny was probably the first person Patrick told.

_‘Amanda’s pregnant and I- Shit Jonny I don’t know what to do.’_

And like fuck did Jonny know either.

His eyes had been pleading as they’d searched Jonny’s face and it was that, Patrick looking for understanding and forgiveness rather than any of the words spoken the rest of that evening that told him it was over.

He’s a cute baby. Not that Jonny would be able to be particularly objective – this is _Patrick's_ baby. Jonny has thought countless times about what Patrick's kids would look like, getting carried away in half-baked daydreams in which he pictured himself playing a significantly different role. Ridiculous fantasies of what a blend of the both of them would look like splashed onto the canvas of new life. Even though he knew it would be impossible, in more than just the biological sense.

He’d asked Patrick before, do you want kids, and had always been given some nonchalant, half-assed reply along the lines of, sure, when the time is right. When will the time be right, Patrick, Jonny had always wanted to ask. He never had. He was afraid Patrick wouldn’t know the answer or would understand the question for what it was.

Will there ever be a time it’s right with _me?_

And now there won’t be, that’s for sure.

He realises suddenly what he must look like. He’s sat in his kitchen at 8 am on a Thursday, scowling down at a photo of his supposed best friend's baby. He dreads to think of how green-eyed he must seem. How bitter.

Jonny can’t help but feel bitter though. On impulse, he swipes back to the first photo, the one of Kaner smiling next to Amanda holding their son in a hospital bed, and the feeling only spreads further up his chest to the bottom of his throat. It's one thing to know about it and another to see it.

They’d never talked about it. Not really. They’d never talked about it, but somehow Jonny had always thought it was one of the many unspoken truths between them that turned out to be not so true.

Truths like we’ll be together properly when we’re both ready to come out. We’ll come out some point soon, maybe even before we retire. We’ll tell our families before then.

We’ll take steps to have a real future together.

Jonny's throat tightens as he remembers that while Patrick is off playing doting father and boyfriend, (or will they be engaged now?) Jonny is left alone in a home he used to share with someone else. And while he had never thought at the time that the break up with Lindsey had been to push Patrick into something more than the routine of stolen moments on road trips and when one of the girlfriends was out of town, maybe it had been. Maybe it had been Jonny's way of asking for more without saying a word.

Instead, he got nothing. No girlfriend, no Patrick.

Jonny takes a deep breath and shuts down Twitter again. He holds down the app on his phone until it displays the delete icon. Considers it for a moment, but doesn’t. he’d only have to redownload it again when he wants to torture himself some more in 15 minutes' time.

He didn’t even know she’d gone into labor. He didn’t even know her due date.

They haven’t spent much time together, other than what can be helped since Patrick told him she was pregnant and he was going to have to step up. The only time they’ve been alone together is the 15 minutes they’d spent grinding against each other in Jonny's hotel room after Patrick showed up drunk, just after the season restarted.

Before Jonny had reminded him he had to leave, that he’d made his choice and had begged Jonny to help him stick to it. Jonny always had been the one with more will power.

Maybe this is what he deserves. Maybe this is just the karma built up from years of sneaking around behind girlfriend's backs, cheating and lying, being repaid in one shitty year. First no hockey, now no Patrick. At least he got hockey back.

He wonders what Patrick's penance will be. He seems to have got the better deal from where Jonny sitting.

Maybe it's not punishment or karma at all, just the shitty reality of life. He always felt that the moral rules he was breaking were justified because he lov-

Jonny cuts himself off sharply from that train of thought, scrubs his hands roughly across his face, rubbing his eyes. He needs to go back to sleep. It's too early for this bullshit.

He wills himself to stand, walk back to his bedroom and leave his phone on the counter. Instead, he picks it back up and finds himself typing out, ‘Congratulations,’ in a text message to Patrick. He’s hitting send before he's really thought about it.

Patrick's reply is instantaneous, ‘ _thanks, Jonny_.’ Then, “ _we’re talking about Godparents and I was thinking you?_ ”

 _We’re_ thinking God Parents. Patrick and his girlfriend. Making decisions for the child they have together. Their family.

It's too much, it feels like a kick in the teeth. To be a parental figure to Patrick's child in that way feels like so much like a taste of everything he wants and yet so far away from it at the same time.

He begins to type out, “a _re you sure that’s a good idea._ ” But thinks better of it. Hits backspace. Types out, _“I’d be honored._ ” Hits send. He’s never been able to say no to Patrick.

“ _awesome._ ”

Then the three little dots that indicate Patrick is still typing. They stay there for around two minutes. Not that Jonnys looking at the clock. They disappear.

He’s not surprised that whatever Patrick was going to say, he thought better of. After all, not talking to each other about stuff that mattered was how they ended up here. Patrick across the city in a hospital room with a girlfriend he has for show and their newborn son. Jonny in his condo alone. It's too late now to try and fix that.

Fuck this, he’s going back to bed.


End file.
